Perseverance and Patience

Life is hectic, friends. New job, training for that job, a very heavy semester at grad school - everything else has to be minimized and/or pushed to the side.

Like running. And writing.

I desperately miss both.

Life feels hard right now. Maybe it's grief (my father passed away November 9th), or the move, or the location change, or the classes I chose this semester.

But I'm drained. And tired. That kind of fatigue that creeps into your bones and lingers.

Running is therapeutic for me. Something happens on my long runs of 13+ miles. At a certain point, my mind completely clears. Nothing matters anymore. Nothing seems too difficult. Life becomes manageable.

I have not experienced that feeling since September. That was my last training run of 13+ miles. The farthest I've gone since the marathon is 12 miles.

I've shared before that I've been having some trouble with my legs for some time now. I remember exactly when it started. March 16th, driving home from an early St. Patrick's Day breakfast. It began as excruciating pain in my right hip and inner knee. My husband said he'd never seen me in such pain (which is saying a lot, considering we saw me through an unmedicated homebirth).

Through several rounds of PT, visits to the doctor, and rest days galore, the pain moved from my hip to behind my knees. It's stayed there. Sometimes coming around front, but mostly hanging out in the back of the knee(s).

So, I've been doing cross-training. Spin class, interval training, walking, elliptical, and most recently Piloxing (a combo of Pilates and boxing). One of my strength training teachers told me that due to my legs being different lengths and my severe hip weakness, running is setting me up to need hip replacement.

Not really what a runner wants to hear.

Yet I cannot escape the fact that I am a runner. I will likely never place in a race (unless I'm 80). I'll always be a mid-to-back-of-the-packer.

But I'm still a runner. I've become one. Through and through.

The day after I was told I'll likely eventually need hip replacement, I ran 8 speedy miles with friends. One mile was 8:28. The cross-training is making me stronger; for that, I'm thankful. But it's difficult to avoid discouragement.

I'm going to try some new things. A new strength and stretching routine. A training plan with less running that is more concentrated. Some dietary tweaks. We'll see if anything helps.

Despite the challenges, I have had some beautiful runs. Just a bit shorter :) I'm enjoying running in new territory, making new routes, learning new places.

See the deer?

I'd love prayers as well. I've experienced miraculous healing before. I'm certainly open to God doing that again.

More than anything, as always, I deeply desire that God be glorified.

My psalm this year is Psalm 25. Verses 4 & 5 are literally carrying me these days. I encourage you to read them out loud with me.

Show me your ways, O Lord,
    teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
    for you are God my Savior,
    and my hope is in you all day long.

All day long, Lord. All day long.

My Weight Watchers Story: 60 Pounds Lost

I've been wanting to post my Weight Watchers story for a while. Having just passed my one-year anniversary of becoming a Lifetime member (lingo explained later), I figured this is a great time to share!

I weighed 183.5 the day after I had my second son. In the euphoria of having a HBAC, I somehow gained 10 pounds in 6 weeks post-birth.

My precious 6 week old

Baking with the 2 1/2 year old

4 months after that, I was back at 183.5, but not budging. This was in May 2010. These pictures are from around those times.

Still drinking green smoothies

My almost 6 month old

I knew something needed to change because what I was doing wasn't working. My reservations about signing up for a formal diet program were that I had an eating disorder for well over a decade, though I had not been symptomatic in 7 years at that point. I had several friends with disordered eating history who had success with Weight Watchers, so I started doing it "unofficially" (this was the old Points program, so points were easier to figure out), just counting points every day based on the info I found online. I did that for about 2 weeks, lost weight, and my head was still in a good place.

Weight Watchers On-line
At that point, I signed up for the on-line Weight Watchers program.

I was pretty active, chasing 2 little boys and taking lots of walks, so I lost about 10 lbs/month until I reached my goal (about 3.5 months later), which was just under 150. My weight had generally been in the high 150's into the 160's for most of my post-esating disorder years, but my doc had told me years ago that a good healthy range for me is 138-150, so I thought 150 was a good goal.

This was in about October, 2010. I introduced more high-fat foods into my diet and ended up losing about another 7-10 pounds.

Trying Weight Watchers Meetings Out
I fluctuated a bit after that until in April, 2011, I decided to join Weight Watchers meetings. I wanted to try the different type of support and accountability, as well as learn about the new program (I was still following the Points program, not the new PointsPlus system). I was about 155-156 at that weigh-in.

I lost more slowly with the new program, but I made my initial goal weight of 148 in about 2.5 months. If you attend meetings, once you hit your goal weight and stay there for 6 weeks, you become a Lifetime Member and can attend meetings for free. I made Lifetime in June of 2011. I continued to lose weight and have lost about 60 pounds total (I still fluctuate a bit within a 5 pound range).

Personal Reflections on the Program
I love the new PointsPlus system. I love that almost all fruits and veggies have a zero PointsPlus value (so green smoothies are now free!). I like that protein and carbs are now factored in, so that the PointsPlus value has a better overall nutritional value.

I also love that every Weight Watchers member can make Weight Watchers their own within the construct of the program.

I've always eaten a mainly whole foods diet and have been able to continue that easily with Weight Watchers. I do eat a more fat than most people I know who do Weight Watchers. This is how I feel my best, and I adjust my Daily PointsPlus Target to account for this.

And that's the thing I love about Weight Watchers. If I feel like having a banana with peanut butter, I can. Dark chocolate? Sure! Full fat cheese occasionally? Yes! I even sometimes put whole milk in my coffee (I prefer it black ).

I have really grown to love the meeting environment. I love hearing others' success stories and what works for them, as well as getting to share my own experiences. I have found I also need the accountability of getting weighed at a meeting.

Still The Same Joyous Brenna
Though I have struggled with my weight for about 25 years, I still lived a very full, mostly happy life before losing weight. I cannot say, as some do, that my life began because I got thin. Far from it. I have an amazing, blessed life now as I did 2 years ago.

I share this mainly because Weight Watchers is a tool that has worked for me and empowered me to have a more sane relationship with food than I have had in the years since the eating disorder. Weight Watchers has taught me a lot, and I've found new habits and hobbies that will carry me for a lifetime.

Here are some more recent pictures of me. It seems the only time I get a full-length shot is at a race! I did get my husband to take the nice, sweaty shot below :)

Close-up, it was our anniversary :), December 2011

Half of Quincy with Heather of Run Faster Mommy, March '12 (we both PR'ed!)

Today, after walking home in the 90 degree heat carrying too many groceries, looking very serious

I'll talk more about the work of maintenance, my final weight goal and my newly discovered love of running in a separate post :)

News

Some of you may have noticed that I've not been as active on this blog in the past - say - 4 months. There's a very good reason for that.

I'm about 5 months pregnant.



We're expecting our 2nd son (another boy! so excited!) around Thanksgiving.

Many people have asked why I waited so long to tell. I just told my Facebook followers less than 2 weeks ago! Well, I'm just weird like that :) At this point, if you saw me in person, I am clearly pregnant. But I'm still slowly telling people. I waited a long time to tell with Bear (I showed much later with him). I'm also sure that having a miscarriage in January added to my hesitation, as we found out we were expecting again less than 8 weeks later.

I've been feeling great - so good, in fact, I was sure I was having a girl! Women who have had lots of children often say they can tell by the characteristics of their pregnancy whether or not it's a boy or a girl. But since my diet is completely different than when I was gestating Bear (we're wheat-free, dairy-free now and a lot more raw foods!), I think that has contributed to my health. I had to give up green smoothies for the most past for the first 16 weeks or so because they made me sick. Very strange since I had no other aversions except for coffee (which happened with Bear as well). I still have to be very careful when I drink them because they make my blood sugar crash, which makes me nauseous.

So that's the big news :) I'll still be posting recipes and updates, and there are already plenty of recipes to surf on this blog. And I'll be sharing with you my birth plans (VBAC!), as well as processing my last birth and what we'll be doing differently this time.

Now - off to the farmer's market!

Baking, Crocking & Dehydrating

Today I've got almost all of my various appliances on the counter, hard at work! I'm "crock'ing" a double batch of taco soup, dehydrating some raw, sprouted almonds and fair trade, organic banana chips, and baking some gluten-free bread in the bread machine.

Now I have a craving for some cranberry nut bread, with no nuts so Bear can eat it, though I may just be out of sucanat. I'll have to see if agave will work.

Lots of yummy food in my future!

Headed Out

I'm headed to California today, where it is sunny & 70 degrees - at least today it is :)

Here, it is about 10 degrees, feels like negative something-or-other.

I'm gone for 10 days. I may post a few times while I'm gone; we'll see!

No Microwave, No Bread Machine Challenge

I can't wait to post about my new kitchen toys that I got for Christmas, but first I wanted to share a 1-month challenge we're doing in our household.

We've decided to put the microwave & the bread machine in the basement for a month. We reorganized the kitchen a bit & there isn't really room for them, so we put them away until further notice.

It's probably fairly obvious why we're trying to do without the microwave, but I've been recently reading about the dangers of commercial yeast, and so I won't be eating traditional bread for a month. Well, I never eat traditional bread these days since I'm wheat-free, but I won't be eating anything with yeast in it. I'll stick with rice cakes & my new biscuit recipe.

Does anyone else find this hilariously funny/ironic?

It's not terribly clear, because my scanner is not working, so I had to do a screen shot.

This was in the ad of my local supermarket:



In all fairness, this is the full image:

But still! Could we have not put the pork directly below Happy Hannukah?

Headed Out to Vote!

I'm headed out to vote! Hope you all plan to vote as well :)

Feeling Off & Rejuvenating

I've been feeling a little "off" lately. I have not been sleeping well because Bear has not been sleeping well. When I don't sleep well, I'm unmotivated and don't make the best food choices. The fatigue also makes me not want to exercise, as does the fact that the jogging stroller broke. Since Bear has been waking up obscenely early, I can't run in the mornings. I ran earlier this week when I had a sitter. I only ran 40 minutes and it kicked my butt.

So today, I've tried to make a conscious effort to make better choices. It's amazing what a difference these small choices have made. I ate a 50% raw breakfast rather than my usual 100% cooked breakfast, I had a green smoothie with my lunch, I limited my refined sugar intake, and added a large salad with Hemp Omega Caesar dressing to my dinner. I changed it a little and it was quite good (more on that later).

So even though I'm not getting enough sleep, I can still make an effort to take extra good care of myself.

So, the dressing! I had an issue because I realized halfway into making it I had no lemons! So I had put the oil, seeds, salt, dulse and mustard seeds in the blender and already blended them, and then they sat there for over half an hour. I think this was a good thing because the dressing came out really, really thick and creamy. I recommend trying it!

Hemp Omega Caesar Dressing
4-6 ounces cup water
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1/2 cup olive oil, flax oil, or hemp oil
1/2 cup Manitoba Harvest hemp seeds
3 cloves garlic
1/2 teaspoon Himalayan crystal salt
3/4 teaspoon mustard seeds
1 tablespoon raw agave nectar (skip for Whole30)
1 1/2 tablespoon dulse
zest of 1/2 lemon

Yum! This is enough dressing for 2 very large salads :)

Gratitude

It seems when life gets more difficult & I'm feeling low, God shows me how much He cares for me in the little things.

1. I won free raw chocolate yesterday.
2. I paid $2.95/gallon for gas today.
3. One of my best friends is getting married today.
4. My dress alterations for the wedding were only $18 instead of $93.
5. I got some great deals at Rite Aid & Walgreens this morning.
6. I found the time to make gluten-free muffins yesterday & gluten-free scones today to bring for my gluten-free friends at the wedding.
7. I have a wonderful family that includes a husband, a son & a dog.

Sometimes all we need is a reminder of the many blessings we have to gain perspective on those things that feel overwhelming.

Our Exciting Evening

I look like my mom today. In many of the pictures of my mom growing up, she wore a scarf on her head. I'm not sure why, as she never wears them these days. Maybe she was trying to keep her hair out of her eyes. She worked professionally as a landscaper, and could often be found tending to her garden at home.

I, however, am not wearing a scarf because I'm doing any gardening. The sole purpose of my scarf is to cover my not-so-clean hair.

We were up late last night, trying to put up the window insulation while watching our shows. It took me almost an hour to insulate 1 window because I had so much trouble with the double-sided tape. After the first window, I figured out a trick that made pulling the back off the double-sided tape quite easy. The next 3 windows went quickly and smoothly.

At around 11:30, I was ready for bed, but I asked Roy to go down to the basement to get the Bear's clean laundry out of the dryer. It's a good thing we hadn't gotten around to it prior to that point because within a few minutes, Roy was running upstairs, saying that the entire basement was flooded. I grabbed a sweater and some shoes and ran downstairs.

Our hot water storage tank had exploded. Roy had more than slightly exaggerated and there was only water covering a small area of our basement. But the water was continuing to pour out of the storage tank at an alarming rate, and it was steaming hot. We could not figure out how to get the water to stop, so Roy called his father, who initially didn't answer, and I went to see if our neighbor was awake (we live in a condo and she's on the first floor). She has lived in the building longer than us and has the same furnace as we do, so I thought she might have some insight. She showed us how to turn the water off to both our furnace & gas-heated storage tank and also explained how the whole system works.

Our furnace has a tankless coil system which heats the water and then sends it to be stored by the gas-heated storage tank. Our neighbor has the same type of furnace, but no storage tank. Unless you are using huge amount of hot water, the storage tank itself is rather unnecessary. We already knew this from the original home inspection when we bought the condo. We just figured that since the furnace was only 4 years old and the storage tank looks quite a bit older, the previous owners kept the tank because we have a larger unit as well as two full bathrooms.

So we slept with no heat and are currently without hot water.

Someone already came to assess our needs (at 8:15 AM! Can't beat that), and he's sending over a repairman to detach our storage tank and turn our hot water back on.

So I'm waiting for him before I take a shower - hence, the scarf covering the hair. I don't do cold showers :)

Refreshed!

(Blogspot somehow posted an empty post, so you may see this post before it's complete. I have to keep going back and editing the original, empty post!)

I feel especially refreshed today. I'm not sure why. This is day 7 without decaffeinated or caffeinated beverages; I'm only drinking beverages that are naturally caffeine free. This seems to help with the headaches. I got a lot of cleaning done around the house in anticipation of having visitors tonight. It ends up one of them is sick, so they won't be coming. Since we already booked a babysitter, Roy & I are going out for tea or something similar. And one floor of the house looks great! I even vacuumed the stairwells (which are carpeted in dark blue and are a magnet for our buff & tan cocker spaniel's hair!). The other floor? Well, it still needs a lot of work, but we're getting there.

It's amazing how quickly fall has arrived. The air is crisp, and the leaves are starting to fall from the trees already.

Yesterday, I babysat for a friend who has 2 girls, ages 4.5 months and just over 3 years. Bear was there as well. We lasted the entire 75 minutes! That is a serious feat, seeing as the youngest one likes to be held all the time. Before the babysitting event, I had a buying club pickup. I bought a big vat of Nutiva Coconut Oil, among other fun & healthy things. Coconut oil generally gets a bad rap, but it's actually quite good for you:

Coconut oil is 64% medium-chain fatty acids (MCFAs), which burn as energy quickly rather storing in the body as fat (especially belly fat) like the long-chains. MCFAs are quite rare in foods and have massive positive implications for your health, although the processed vegetable oil industry tried to malign the tropical oils years ago and many consumers have no idea what great nutrition they are missing out on. Coconut oil is anti-bacterial, anti-viral, anti-parasite, and anti-fungal.

You can read more over at Green Smoothie Girl's Coconut Oil page; that above quote is from her. The most awesome thing is that it's finally cool enough that my coconut oil remains solid at room temperature (it's liquid above 76 degrees). So I spread it on my toast (and on Bear's toast, too) this morning as if it were butter!

Life is truly good.

Thoughts on Life, Work & Music

I started reading this book, The 4-Hour Work Week. I read a review over at The Simple Dollar and got a copy from the library. The young man who wrote it (younger than me, at least!) is obviously quite entrepreneurial, and his methods definitely wouldn't work for everyone, but there is a lot of meat to be taken from it. I've started taking some notes & jotting down some ideas.

One of the ways I'm simplifying my life is by clearing out the inboxes of my various e-mail accounts, as well as trying to reply right away when I can. My main e-mail account now has 36 e-mails waiting to be replied to rather than the 150+ it usually has. Now I have 2 more accounts to clean out.

I'm not sure if some of my new blog friends know that I'm a singer/songwriter. I don't have a professional CD, but in the past had a CD made of a concert. I also, in the past couple of years, did rough recordings of 2 newer songs, "You" & "You Know Me". I already have about 10 songs written for another project. The drummer from church said we should get some studio time and record some of the songs, which I'd love to do. So one of my goals for the next 6 months is to record at least a few of the songs for my next CD project, which will be called "You". That's one of the things the book has reminded me that I'd like to do.

Mystery Woman

Do any of my blog readers know who this is?



I saw her on a Good Morning America clip, and I'm positive I know her. Help! I'm thinking she went to NEC.

Bizarre

I was walking down the street yesterday, talking to a friend on the phone, when I saw something rather strange on the ground. It honestly looked like a heart! I was frightened, so I walked quickly down the street. I went & ran a few errands, but I felt myself being drawn back to that spot.

It really was a heart. (Yes, Laura, you heard that right.)

As I took pictures with my cell phone, a small crowd started to gather. OK, that's an exaggeration, but a woman driving up the street in her car stopped to look. She said, "It looks like a goose heart!"

A man in a nearby parking lot heard me talking about it, and he exclaimed, "Is it really a heart?" as he came over to look. Once he saw the evidence, he stated that he lost his appetite.

Another man was watching from across the street, pretending not to be interested, but even he came to look as I walked away.

Yes, it was a heart. Sort of a large heart. Roy thought I should call the police, especially since it was parked in front of one of those secret societies. It was also near a Greek restaurant & a butcher shop. I wish I could show you the pictures, but I don't know any way to get the pictures off my phone except to e-mail them, but I don't have internet services on my phone.

When I drove by today, it was nowhere to be seen.

Running!

I started running again this week. I hadn't been running in 2 years, so it was challenging. I had to stop running due to some problems with my hips, but since my hips aren't really improving or getting worse, I decided it was worth the risk. I took Bear out in the jogging stroller and he seemed to have a good time.

I ran 1.5 miles on Tuesday and then again today. I continued on today and did another 1.5 miles, partially walking and partially running.

I've been walking a lot lately anyways. The Bear seems to calm right down when I put him in the stroller and take him out. Plus, Noodles needs a daily walk, so I find myself averaging 3-5 miles a day of on-foot travel. I'm now down to about 7 pounds below what I weighed when I found out I was pregnant - less than I've weighed in about 2.5 years. And I'm not even trying to lose weight. That's a nice feeling :)

MIA in Blogland

Good morning! I hope you're starting off your day with a quality cup of coffe or tea. I recently developed a craving for americanos (espresso with water added). Since we have a relatively nice espresso maker, I'm enjoying a mostly decaf americano as I write this.

I've been slightly missing in blogland. I've been reading more (check out my books in the right navigation), working on my website, going for more walks, and playing with the baby more. I was getting tired of the baby constantly crawling under my computer desk and trying to climb up into my lap, and my reading life has benefited greatly!

I did, however, just get one of these:


Mine is white. Now the baby just tries to climb on to the futon we have in our office & hit the buttons of the Asus while I'm trying to type :)

I'm going to make a concerted effort to try & update this more, so check back soon!

Life Continues

This weekend, we go to upstate NY to celebrate the life of my beloved grandmother, in the town she lived in for 55 years. We will have a musical service & bury her ashes next to her husband.

I miss her.

Baby Bear continues to grow, too quickly I think. When he was a very tiny baby, I couldn't wait for him to grow up. i.e. sleep better & not need me so much. Now I wish I could slow down time and cherish this period of growing & changing & learning.

Slow Blogger

I'm slow about getting used to having a blog again, but I'll eventually get into the swing of things :)

Baby Bear was almost 19 pounds at his 6-month appointment and over 28 inches. He's really tall and sort of lean compared to other babies his age - or at least that's my unprofessional opinion.

I'm very into cooking these days and I'm sure I'll be posting about it in blogs to come.

For now, I'll post this so I can say I have at least one post every month.

Traveling for the Holidays

We're getting ready to travel down south for the holidays. We'll be visiting my dad and stepmom in Virginia, and my sister and her husband will be flying in. It's going to be an interesting trip, for sure! We've driven down there before with the dog, but never traveled this far with the dog and the baby.

And when I say "getting ready", what I really mean is "blogging" :) Well, I have one shirt packed for the baby and a list of his clothing that needs to be packed. That's a start!

Roy isn't feeling well today, so he stayed home, and the baby is miraculously napping without me by his side. I feel rather lost when that happens since I spend most of the day holding him or wearing him in the Bjorn or the Mei Tai.